South Park Stick of Truth
by The Flaming Hoodman
Summary: N was moving into South park and was unaware at what he was getting into now he's in a war between humans elfs and so much more. But they don't know about N's hidden ability.
1. chapter 1

Chapter 1

N the New Kid

I was unsure what happened before I moved to this town I was just confused but I did remember this old saying.

The red eye calls to the follower.

I was unsure what it meant as I stood in my new room boxes were around it my bed had a dark blue blanket over all of it.

My fish was swimming in its bowl happily.

I smiled while I slipped my black sweat shirt on.

I suddenly heard a knock at my door

"Sweetie are you dressed?"

I heard my mom calling me

"Yeah"

My mom and Dad came into my room.

"Son do you remember why we moved to this little mountain town"

My dad asked me I simply shook my head

"Well we want you to have fun here so why not go out and make some friends" my dad said

"There's some money on the counter just be back before it gets dark"

"OK cool I'll just unbox one thing before I head out"

My parents left while I got something out of my toy chest.

A small blue watch that I wrapped around my right wrist.

It was my 5th birthday present I loved it because it just completes my look.

I grabbed my phone and went downstairs.

My mom's money was on the counter I grabbed the $20 and went outside.

I walked onto the sidewalk and heard someone tell for help.

I walked over and saw some kid in a elf costume beating some blonde kid in a fight.

I put my hand on the elf kids shoulder.

"Hey leave this kid alone"

"Leave peasent this has nothing to do with you"

He went back to kicking the blonde kid.

That just pissed me off right there.

"I said stop"

The elf kid turned around and I punched him.

"Hey your not apart of this I'm gonna tell my mom"

The elf kid ran off.

I helped the blonde haired kid up.

"Thanks I didn't realize he had a health potion."

Potion? Now I'm sure I'm in some weird place.

"I'm butters the merciful I'm a paladin"

A paladin well I guess that explains the outfit.

"And what is your name new kid."

"Oh my name it's N"


	2. chapter 2

Chapter 2

Hidden Class

"N huh that's a nice name the grand wizard has foretold about you New Kid cmon we must meet up with him."

I was a bit unsure of whether or not to follow him.

My phone suddenly buzzed I saw that butters' made me his friend on Facebook.

"OK I'll follow you"

"Great cmon to the Grand Wizard's house"

I began to follow Butters he seems to have a innocent soul which is weird because not many people are like that.

"Where are you from?"

I wasn't sure how to respond.

"You like Colorado?"

"It's OK"

I quickly responded in order to stay in the conversation

"Why do you wear your hair like that?"

"I hate change"

It's true I never liked change I remember that but I seem to have gotten used to the fact that we moved here.

"Is that red eye you had normal?"

Red eye what did he mean I never had a red eye before I think I can't remember.

"Oh were here"

Butters stopped me at someone's house he knocked on it three times and a boy showed up the same as our age he was fat and he was dressed like a wizard with a smiley face on his hat.

"All hail the grand wizard"

"Welcome new kid your coming as been told throughout zaron come in I will show you my kingdom."

"Sure why not"

I clearly didn't care but it was something to pass the time.

We walked through the house and saw a lady in her 30s sitting on the couch

"Who's your new friend sweetie"

"Shut up mom"

OK I can tolerate a lot but that was just plain rude

"Hey wizard you wanna tell me your name before we continue on"

"I am the grand wizard cartman"

"OK well just call me N"

"Wow really that's a terrible name"

And cartman immediately went on my people I hate list.

"Welcome to the kingdom of kupa keep"

The "kingdom" was not much I mean there were three kids one was at something called stables with a bunch of fake horses.

Another kid had a helmet on him and was at a shop.

The next kid was strange because it was a boy dressed like a princess.

"This is Clyde he's tending our weapon shop.He's a level 14 warrior.Here is our massive stables.It is overseen by Scott Malconson. He has the power of diabetes. And that is the breathe taking princess Kenny. Don't ask why Kenny wants to play a chick it just seems to be how he's Rowling."

OK well who am I to judge

Cartman stepped in front of his fake castle.

"Now to begin you must choose a class Fighter, Mage, Thief, or Jew."

"You got anything else"

I didn't really want to be any of these classes they seemed a bit weird for me I mean seriously.

"Well I guess I could allow for the slayer class but it will cost $5"

I wasn't sure if I should pay it or not.

"What does the class come with?"

"Certain abilities and skills not used by the 4 previous classes"

I took a $5 bill from my pocket and handed it to cartman.

"Welcome Hidden slayer class N"

Butters screamed hurray

"Now Clyde over there will hand you your armor and weapons."

I walked over to Clyde who was wiping a wooden sword.

"Here take the box"

He simply handed it too me.

I opened the box and switched my current outfit with the one in the box

"Huh not bad"

It was a red under shirt with black pants and a purple cloak that covered my neck with a bit of my mouth and chin covered the cloak also covered a lot of my right arm.

I had one wooden sword that was as long as my arm and one that was half the size of the first one.

"Well now you look ready for combat now to teach you how to fight. Now I want you to take your weapon and with the bravery of a noble knight beat up clyde"

"What?"

"Kick his ass N"

"What did I do?"

"I'm the king Clyde and the king wishes to be amused. Go on kick his ass"

I took a stance and faced Clyde.

"Im gonna kick your ass"

Clyde really has no idea who he was messing with.

He tried to swing his sword at me

I blocked with little to no effort.

It felt weird

It felt different

I felt weird

I felt different

Clyde suddenly took a step back.

"What's with your eye man?"

My eye OK now he's just making excuses.

I took my second blade and moved really fast around Clyde.

"X slash"

Two slashes knocked Clyde down immediately.

Cartman began to laugh.

"Ok, OK you proved yourself worthy now come inside the war tent and I will show you the relic."

I followed him inside the tent had a map on a table and in the back was a stand with a stick on a pillow in it.

"well here it is the reason why humans and elevens are locked in a never ending war.The relic in which humans are elves are willing to die."

A stick

"That is the stick of truth."

Well I guess that's a creative name.

"just two days ago we took the stick back from the elves.Our kingdom was dying but now it thrives for whoever controls the stick controls the universe."

He suddenly jerked back

"Dont gaze at it for too long. For its power is too much for mere mortals to look at."

"A stick controls the universe well then I better help in this war."

"Alarm Alarm Alarm"

I heard Butters shout

"What is it?" Asked cartman

"The elves are attacking"

"Oh my god to defensive positions"

We ran outside and saw the elf kids dressed like the one I beat up for Butters.

"Close the gates"

What gates seriously.

"Give us the stick filthy humans"

"Fuck you elf! Come and get it! Clyde!Guard the stick of truth while we defend the fortress!"

Cartman faced me.

"N now is the time to prove yourself.Hold asshole elves off at all costs."

I walked towards the group of elves

"Who do you think you are?"

I smiled

"Apparently I'm a slayer so I say your chances of winning got slayed"


	3. chapter 3

Chapter 3

Assemble the troops

I quickly ran to the group of 9.

I knocked 2 of them out with my x slash in a instant.

Suddenly three of them attempted to gang up on me.

Rolled under them and tripped them with my smaller weapon.

2 more were wielding fake axes with metal poles and stop signs began to ran toward me.

"Try to defeat raw power"

At that point I just ran around them in a circle multiple times.

"Hey hold still you little shit"

Suddenly the two fell unconscious from all the spinning.

"OK who's next."

An arrow nearly hit my shoulder I saw the last two as archers.

"OK this might be a bit difficult."

I quickly moved behind a tree to gain some protection.

"Ha you call that slaying?"

OK hearing those idiot elves laugh at me now that was just uncool.

I threw my smaller weapon up in the air.

"What the"

I heard the elves say.

I jumped up and threw my smaller weapon at one of the elves knocking him out.

While the elf was distracted by his fallen friend I ran toward him and knocked him out with my main sword.

"And that is how you do it"

The elves began to get up.

"Drawl elves fall back."

They left in a hurry.

I walked back to cartman and the others.

"Yeah awesome!Take that asshole elves!Better luck next time!Neh Neh Neh Neh Neh Na we still control the universe."

As cartman bragged I simply shook my head.

Clyde walked up behind us

"It's gone

"What?"

"The elves got the stick"

"That was your one fucking job Clyde to guard the stick of fucking truth. I hearby banish you from space and time."

"What cmon"

"No your banished never to return"

Clyde then left the backyard in an angry mood.

"Wow I almost feel bad."

"You fought bravely N"

Scott walked up to me

"Yeah you were like a whole different person"

"Shut up Scott no one cares what you think"

Actually Scott had a point it seemed when I fight something makes me different I was confused but decided to think more about it another time.

"Anyway we have bigger problems the stick of truth has been stolen.We must assemble our entire army in order to bring it back."

"But are three best fighters haven't reported for duty my king."

So there is more then just us 6.

I mean 5 Clyde was banished.

"Our newest member can take care of that."

Cartman faced me

"N I want you to go out to our neighborhood and find my greatest fighters.Token Tweek and Craig.I'm sending there pictures to your personal inventory device now. But beware the land is filled with thives, Monsters, and 6th graders it won't be easy."

I nodded at how serious he was being

"Butters go with him."

"As you wish"

Butters followed me on my way out.

"You know it's probably a good thing cartman sent you with me."

"How so?"

"I literally have no idea where to find these kids."

Butters laughed

"Oh yeah that would probably make sense."

I looked on my phone and saw a Facebook post from Clyde.

"Oh this can't be good."

"What?"

"I got a message from Clyde"

"What does it say?"

"It says Fuck you New Kid! Things were fine until you showed up! I'll get you back for this, I swear!"

"Wow you really pissed him off."

"Yeah I think he's just mad I kicked his ass"

"Yeah but aren't you worried he'll get you."

"Not even in the slightest"

Truth be told Clyde really didn't even come close to scaring me now an army of zombies now that's some scary shit.

"Yeah if he tries anything just freak him out with that red eye of yours."

"There it is again the mention of the red eye I don't know what your talking about."

"Here I took a picture with my phone"

Butters handed me his phone and I saw that my eye was definitely red my right one anyway.

"Wow so it's true"

I handed Butters his phone back

"Is it a normal thing for you?"

"You know what let's not talk about it for now we have a job to do."

"Oh yeah right"

"So which of the three fighters are the closest?"

"Craig's house is just down the street."

"Well then let's go."

As we walked I kept thinking about the red eye.

How could something like that appear when I fight?

This definitely needed some research.

"We're here"

Butters led me to the Blue house.

I knocked on the door.

A semi large middle aged orange haired man with a bald spot answered the door.

"Hello im looking for Craig"

"Well he's not here he's in detention for flipping off the principal."

The man closed the door and I went up to Butters.

"Well shit"

"Now what do we do?"

"Let's get the other two then we'll talk to cartman and figure this out."

"OK well Tweek is most likely at his family's coffee shop"

"Well lead the way paladin Butters."

I followed Butters when I noticed a girl near city hall being bullied by three larger girls and playing keep away with her doll.

"Give it back"

"Why don't you make us?"

"That's my toy"

"Not anymore it's not"

And with that my mood went from pleasant to need to hurt things.

"Butters stand back for a minute."

"What are you gonna do?"

"Not much unless they make me."

I walked up to the three bullies.

"Hello ladies"

"Who the hell are you?"

"Oh just a guy now would you please return this girl's toy before things get ugly."

"Oh things are gonna get ugly for you."

One of the girls tried to punch me.

I grabbed her fist and threw her into a bench.

I then punched one of the other ones into a tree.

I turned to face the only holding the doll.

"Return it now"

"Whatever you say Red eye"

The girl passed the doll to it's owner and ran off.

My eye turned red again why.

"Um excuse me"

I turned to face the girl I helped.

She was blonde about my age and not bad looking.

"Thank you for helping me I owe you one."

"No you don't owe me I was just raised right"

"Well listen my name's Annie,Annie Nelson.

" huh pretty name"

"Well what do I call you?"

"My name's N"

"Really that's a cool name."

"Thanks"

"Well I guess I'll see you around"

"Yeah later"

I saw Annie leave and then I walked up to Butters

"You OK N?"

"Yeah I'm just fine"

I couldn't help but keep thinking on what was happening.

"Well should we get tweek?"

"Oh right sorry"

We walked into the coffee shop and I approached the man at the counter he seemed cheerful and happy.

"Hello,Welcome to Tweek coffee.Coffee made with ingredients supplied by local organic suppliers.It's local coffee brewed locally."

"Hi were looking for tweek"

"Tweek!"

I heard a large scream that made me jump.

"Have you picked up the fresh local ingredients?"

"Argg not yet Dad im still trying to do all my chores!"

"Well hurry up son the family business is relying on you."

"So much pressure"

OK with how jumpy he is I didn't know why he was on our side.

I went into the back to room and saw tweek shaking like a cold animal.

"Argg!How am I supposed to do this?There's no way man!Starbucks has like 8 employees here it's just me!"

I slowly approached him.

"Achh who are you?"

"OK calm down my name is N and I'm just the messenger."

I handed him a letter.

"What's this?Now?The guys need me now?Oh there's no way man!"

"OK listen I'll help you out just tell me what you need?"

"Can you go get the four o clock delivery for me? If you do, I can finish here and then I'll still have time to play.Its at Kenny's house if you show them the letter and they'll give you the delivery."

I walked outside and turned to Butters.

"Please tell me it's not far to walk to Kenny's house?"

Butters remained silent

"It's stupidly far isn't it."

"It's back on the street we were at"

"Goddamn it"

"Well we could take the Timmy express."

Timmy express?

Butters walked over to a horn tied to a pole with a flag with the name Timmy on it.

He honked the horn and suddenly a kid in a electronic wheel chair with wooden horses and a wagon came near us.

"Timmy!"

The boy shouted his name.

"N this is Timmy."

"Uh hi Timmy"

"Timmy!"

"So can you take us to Kenny's house and then back here after a few minutes"

"Timmy!"

I whispered to Butters

"Does that mean yes?"

"Yeah it does."

We went into the wagon and were brought to a junkyard with a ruined house in front of it.

"Huh wasn't expecting this"

"Yeah Kenny's family doesn't have a lot of money."

I walked up to the front door.

A orange haired woman in dirty clothing with short orange hair approached me.

"Hello may I help you?"

I handed her tweek's letter.

"oh this isn't for me.This is for the nice people who are renting the guest house out back."

She went back inside and me and Butters went to their garage.

There were clearly some some meth making equipment in this place and a bunch of people were making it.

I handed one of them the letter.

"Wait a minute he's not usually delivery kid."

"Oh shit it's a cop"

And like that I was held at gunpoint and tied up in the corner.

"What do we do with him?"

"We'll wait until night and then we'll take care of him"

This was terrible I never thought when I moved here that I would be held hostage at gunpoint.

I saw Butters come in through the window.

I kept my eyes on the man pointing his gun at me when suddenly a voice echoed through my head.

"When Butters gives us the signal take this guy's gun and shoot all of them."

"I don't know who said that but tell why do I hear you?"

"All will be explained just get ready"

I did as the voice said and a glass jar fell on the one pointing the gun at me.

I used a shard to cut the rope.

I grabbed the gun and immediately shot the other two dealers.

Butters jumped down.

"Glad your okay N"

"Thanks for dropping that jar on him."

"No problem I got the package."

"Good let's go."

Butters doesn't know but I took several more rounds of ammo

We took the Timmy express back to Tweek coffee.

I handed the package to Tweek.

"Oh thanks man.Dad, I finished my work.Can I go play?"

"Where's today's delivery?"

"Right here."

He handed the package to his father.

He took a bit out of it and tasted it.

"Yup that's good shit. All right Tweek, you can play for a little bit.But be back home before it gets dark or you'll be grounded."

Thanks N, I gotta go get changed and then I'll meet you at the kingdom."

Me and Butters left.

"Okay so all that's left is Token."

"Where does he live?"

"The big house with a security guard West of here."

"Damn his family must be loaded."

"Yeah but he's not a bragger."

"Good cause I've felt with enough shit lately."

"Yeah this has been a pretty heavy day for a new kid."

We approached the big house and a security guard was at the gate.

Butters approached first.

"Excuse me sir can we see Token."

"No visitors no exceptions."

"Oh cmon"

The guard sprayed Butters with pepper spray.

"What a dumb kid."

I ran at him and knocked him out by slapping the shit out of him.

"You okay Butters?"

"Yeah it's not the first time I've been pepper sprayed."

We walked up to the front door I knocked on the door and Token showed up.

"Yes?"

"Hey Token"

"Oh hey Butters who's this?"

"Long story short my name is N the elves took the stick."

"Oh again. Hold on a sec."

He went back inside and then came back out in medieval clothes.

"Thank you for thy message, traveler. I shall make haste to Kupa keep."

He went back inside.

"Mom can you drive me to Eric's house?"

Me and Butters went back to Kupa keep and I simply was annoyed.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

School Break in

Token and Tweek were already there

"All soldiers reporting for duty Grand wizard!"

Butters shouted so loud I swore I heard dogs barking.

"Nice work N, Now all my men are ready to fight for the-"

Cartman stopped and looked around for a sec.

"Wait a minute?Where is Feldspar?Where is my level 12 thief?"

"He got detention according to his dad"

I said simply looking at my phone.

"Oh my god!If they've got locked away our thief in detention we have no hope of getting the stick of truth back.We have to break him out."

A few of our people began to gasp.

"Agh!No way man,Last time we broke Craig out of detention we all got in trouble"

Tweek had a point why risk all of us for one person.

"Thats a risk that N is willing to take"

"OK what?Cartman your kidding me?"

"You have to break out our thief N,but don't worry I will not let you go unprepared.I am going to teach you magic.Meet me at the training barracks.it's time for you to learn dragonshout."

I followed cartman I really stopped caring at this point.

"You should show more compassion toward your comrades"

That same voice before.

"What do you want?"

"I'm not your enemy N"

"Then why don't you tell me who you are"

"Well I could bye"

"Hey N you OK?"

Butters snapped me out of my trance.

"Yeah just lost in thought"

I went to the "barracks" There was just two poorly made dummies.

"You fight well N,but to truly succeeded in combat you must learn to harness the power of your farts."

"OK I seem to be out of it still did I hear you correctly?"

"Yes, farting on an opponent at precisely the right time is key to battle.I shall show you how it's done but first you must take the gentleman's oath.You must promise to never ever fart on anyone's balls.Okay?Farting on an opponent is necessary, but farting on someone's balls is not cool.Do you understand?"

"Yeah I promise whatever"

"Alright then let's begin your Training."

He stepped a few feet away

"To conjure dragonshout,you must first clear your mind and take a deep breath through your butthole, like this."

He began to shake.

"Then let it rumble inside and dragonshout"

He farted and the dummy moved with the wind.

"OK how in the hell did that happen?"

"I will show you once again"

He did the same as before with the same results

"Now you do it."

I felt the rumble in me and then let it out and suddenly the dummy I fired at was sent flying out of the yard.

"my God that was incredible a man could live for a hundred years and never witness a spell so boisterous. Could it be the prophecy be true,Could it be the dragonborn has come in our hour of need?"

"What?"

"You now know dragonshout from now on it will be easier,but seriously never do that on someone's balls seriously. Now take princess Kenny with you and break out our thief while I sit comfortably on my throne"

"Lazy ass"

Butters and Kenny followed behind me closely.

(An:I'm gonna write Kenny talking normally even though he would normally be muffled)

"Your an interesting Fighter noble knight" Kenny said

"I'm not noble"

"I don't know you did a lot to get our troops" Butters said

"Yeah and now I have a gun"

I showed my pistol

"You have that"

Kenny looked a little frightened

"Keep that away I don't want to die today"

"Fine, what's your deal?"

"I die almost everyday and each time I wake up in my bed"

"What how and why?"

"Oh Kenny that story gets funnier every time you tell it.

Okay I have a good bullshit sense and I haven't questioned things yet.

We approached the school

I looked in through the window.

I saw a bunch of kids in detention but one was dressed in medieval clothes.

"That's Craig I presume"

"Yeah that's him"

Kenny nodded in agreement.

I listened closely inside.

"That's Mr Mackey our school counselor he's a little weird"

"Craig this is detention stop looking at your watch because you are here for three hours buddy"

"Whatever"

"Don't think your friends are gonna bust you outta here this time craig!"

"My name is Feldspar and I'm a level 6 thief and the humans will soon rescue me from this tower."

"No your name is fucking Craig Turner and your in detention. Now start doing your homework"

I jumped down from the window.

"Ok let's go in get him out and try not to kill anybody."

Butters and Kenny looked at me confused.

"I've had a long day"

I kicked the front door open.

There was a ginger hallway monitor patrolling.

Before he said anything I kicked him

"I am not in the mood"

I picked up a radio and heard a conversation in the cafeteria.

"Here they come" said Craig

"They aren't gonna get you Craig.Your not getting out of detention." Mr.Mackey said.

"I'll be out of here in 10 minutes."

I spoke into the radio.

"Hello everyone my name is N this doesn't have to end poorly for everyone"

"The hell do you want?"

"Release your people in detention and I won't destroy every single one of your ginger hallway monitors."

"You just threatened a worker of the school you'll be written up"

"Well then how about we play a little game?'

"What kind of game?"

"If I break out every one of your prisoners you don't write anyone up."

"And if you fail?"

"I'll tell you who sent me on this rescue mission and you put us all in detention"

"Fine but youll never get the gold key thats in my office oh damnit."

I threw the radio at butters.

"Stay outside and monitor me from my phone tell me if mackey is planning anything."

Butters nodded and walked outside.

"Kenny you think you can handle this?"

"Yeah we got this"

We walked through the halls slowly taking out each hallway monitor until we found a bronze key.

"Ok so the bronze key opens the door to the silver key and the silver key opens the door for the gold key."

I shook my head in discust.

"You ok?"

"Yeah but I think I'm seriously pissed off at this game"

We walked to the room and unlocked it I shot the roof with my gun."

"If any of you don't want to be crippled get the fuck out!"

All the hallway monitors ran off while there was one kid dressed normally with some toy arrows stuck to him.

"Please don't hurt me"

I sighed.

"Look I'm just looking for the silver key"

The boy handed me the silver key

"Just free Mackey's prisoners"

The boy ran off.

"Kenny is it normal for me to want to shoot everything right now"

Kenny stepped away

"I'm not gonna shoot anything right now.Let's just go get the gold key."

We walked to Mackey's office the gold key was on the highest shelf.

"Kenny you want to"

"Oh fight bow"

He shot an arrow and knocked down key as well as several shelves.

I grabbed the gold key.

"Well it's not my mess to clean up"

"This is gonna be your most difficult battle yet."

"I have a gun I think I win"

We walked to the cafeteria and just as I was about to open it when I was hit by a dodgeball.

"Ok who the fuck dares?"

I saw a sixth grade Hall monitor with a dodgeball on a string attached to a pole he was wielding.

"May I see your hallpass?"

Kenny began shooting at him while I struggled to get up.

"Wow never thought this guy would take you down"

"Shut up"

"Listen"

I was suddenly in a dark area where all I saw was darkness

A figure stoop in front of me he looked exactly like me except his eyes and hair were blood red.

"My name is red and let's just say I'm part of you."

"So what do you want?"

"You and I both don't remember what the hell happened to us before we moved here."

"Yeah true"

"I'll help you that's what happens with your eye will talk more later though"

"Alright I guess this is what we got to do partner."

I was sent back to to where I was and I got up and picked up the gun and looked at the hallway monitor.

I felt my red eye.

I hit the hallway monitors neck with my wooden sword.

"Wow what's got into you?" Kenny asked me

"Absolutely nothing"

My eye turned normal

I unlocked the cafeteria and children all ran out.

Me and Kenny ran too.

I heard Mr Mackey shout one thing.

"Damn you Craig"

Me Kenny and Craig were at the front of the school.

"Wow thanks kid what's your name?"

"N"

"Wow that's a dumb name anyway I'll meet you at Kupa keep"

Craig ran off and I saw Butters run toward me.

"N the wizard King wishes to see you immediately"

"Oh great what does wizard fatass want now."

(AN:Sorry it took so long I've been busy)


	5. chapter 5

Chanted 5

The Bard

Me and my crew walked toward Kupa keep.

We approached cartman

"Gentlemen thanks to the new kid our entire army is assembled."

Everyone let out a horah.

"It is my belief that he deserves rank up in level

He is now Sir N congratulations"

"Huh I kind of like that title"

"Now it is time to take back what is rightfully ours.

A carrier raven has come with news that the stick of truth has not yet been taken to the elven forest it's in the possession of the Bard."

"The Bard?"Scott asked

"Oh God not the Bard!" Shouted Tweek

"The Bard is a level 10 drow elf who can use his magic to enchant and destroy his enemies.

I nodded at Butters.

"Well let's go kick his ass."

"Hold on young warrior your strong but you have yet to tap into your farts. Come now let us continue your training."

I followed him to the barracks the dummy I destroyed was poorly taped back together

"ok I'm going to teach you how to use a range attack otherwise known as cup a spell"

The hell is he talking about?

Red:I don't know lets just listen to him

Wait you're actually talking to me now?

Red:might as well you know I'm here

"I will show you"

He puts his hand to his ass and begins to shake he threw his hand forward and his fart made a dummy shake.

"Now you try"

I did the same position but when I hit the dummy it's head went flying.

"Use it wisely in battle and never on a man's balls."

We returned to everyone else I noticed a kid grabbing the dummy's head.

"If the Carrier ravens are correct the Bard is hiding out at the inn of the giggling donkey, we must find him before he takes the stick to the elven forest "

"let us find the bard and bring him to justice"

Butters shouted

You ready red

Red:yes.

Our army moved forward and we were behind a bush near a house

"There it is gentleman the inn of the giggling donkey"

Cartman said dramatically

"Paladin are you sure the Bard is hiding put there"

Butters responds

"That's what Twitter says"

Cartman looks pissed

"Carrier Raven Butters"

"Oh right it's what the carrier raven says"

I shook my head

Red:we need new friend

Yeah I agree with you

We entered the inn

There were kids basically acting like this was a bar

Cartman whispered to me

"Stay close Sir N the inn of the giggling donkey holds the scum of all zaron"

Then you'll fit right in

I thought

We walked up to the kid running the bar

Cartman spoke first

"A glass of meedlewine please"

The bartender responded

"No meedlewine today only fairy ale"

"A pint of fairy ale then"

The bartender gave cartman a drink

"So has anyone seen the bard lately"

The music stopped and people all looked at us.

"Yeah maybe this wasn't the best idea"

I thought as I readied my weapon.

Cartman spoke up

"A cup of fairy tale isnt much if not accompanied by some bardic songs and poems."

The bartender responds

"Sure he's here alright, he's got a room down in the cellar"

"Then I shall pay handsomely for his services"

Cartman tossed some coins to the bartender and walks to a basement but whispered

"Sir N"

I followed along with Butters and Kenny

"Sir N you and Butters go flush him out me and Kenny will be here to ambush him"

Me and Butters went downstairs it was dark I could barely see a damn thing.

"Need a little help"

Reds voice said to me and I could see clearly from my left eye

I told Red thanks

Cartman shouted down

"Be wary of his magical songs sir N"

Now he tells me

My thoughts remained focus as we moved through the crap that was in the basement when me and Butters reach the end the lights turned on and a strum of an instrument echoed.

Butters shouted

"oh Jesus it's the bard

When I saw the Bard though it wasn't what I was expecting.

It was a crippled kid with crutches.

"Prepare for battle wwwweaklings"

He shouted

"elves fall in"

I heard cartman shout

"N ITS A TRAAAAP"

No shit cartman

Several elves went in front of the Bard

"You have never come here hhumans. I am a level 10 bard and with my lute I shall power up my elven guards with magical songs of ench,with magical songs of ench-"

N sighed as he waited for the Bard to finish

"Magical song of enchantment"

Finally both me and red thought

"My names N by the way"

"Jimmy"

And the battle begin

Jimmy began to sing his song stoneagain

hollow.

The elven guards were powered up so much that my x slash wasn't enough to hit them

"Damn it "

Butters went in front of me

"I got this sir N"

Butters held his hammer up and lightning hit it.

Butters aimed his hammer at the elven warriors and they were all hit by lightning.

"Whoa"

Jimmy sang his song once again and the elven warriors were even stronger.

The elves immediately ganged up and defeated Butters.

"You assholes."

The elves turned there attention to me

Butters shouted at me

"Potion and abilities"

He fell down again

I began to think

Red spoke to me

"You have a second power"

I looked at my phone which contained my stats and powers I saw I had another power called aura blaster

"Well worth a shot"

I drank a speed potion and held my hand in front of me a ball of red energy appears in my hand and fired knocking the enhancements off the elves which I finished with my X slash.

Jimmy spoke up

"Whoa what a butt kicking"

Jimmy went to the stairs and called to his elves

"Get down there and finish him off, I will protect the stick of truth"

Next time: N vs. Jimmy


	6. chapter 6

Chapter 6

N vs. Jimmy

As more elves went down stairs all I saw was another nuisance in my way because they created a wall out of a bunch of crap.

"I am so pissed off"

Butters looked curious at me

"Why is that sir N"

"Nothing at all"

I heard red spoke to me again

"After this you should probably make new friends"

Man even the ghost in my head knows how I feel.

I noticed a lanturn broken on the floor a flame barely contained.

"Oh so that's why cartman taught me cup a spell"

I used cup a spell on the fire causing an explosion.

The explosion did damage to the area and the elves around us.

"Well that was easy"

I said walking towards the stairs.

Butters followed me.

I looked up and saw Craig coming in through the window.

He suddenly fell onto a fuse box getting electrocuted.

"Dude are you ok?"

"I got fucking electrocuted how do you think I feel?"

Butters Pats Craig's back healing him.

Craig looked at Butters.

"Thank you noble paladin, my wound is healed."

"Good for you can we move on now before I shoot someone"

I walk towards the basement door.

"Can someone get us out of here?"

Craig walks towards me.

"Stand back Sir N this lock is no match for a level 12 thief."

He unlocks the door.

"You two go on ahead."

Me and Butters made our way up and saw several elves in the living room.

I heard someone in the kitchen.

"Is the fatass in there?"

I sighed and walked in to see three elves ganging up on him.

"I guess I'll help"

My eye turned red and kicked one of the elves to the ground.

Another one of the elves aimed an arrow at me.

I shot him with my new aura blast.

I looked at the last one when Butters knocked him out with his hammer.

"Nice work now heal the wizard"

Butters goes over and heals cartman who acts like he was dying using ketchup as fake blood.

"His powers were too strong- the bard. He's up in one of the rooms. They took Princess Kenny! They took her upstairs. I'm sure there gonna rape her. Don't let them rape princess Kenny meh…"

He faked passing out.

I shook my head annoyed.

"This is some stupidity I don't want to deal with"

Butters looked at me.

"But we must save the princess sir N"

I heard red speak to me.

"Let's just get this over with so we can move on"

It's weird how the ghost in my head is the one person I seem to understand the best.

"Fine but I'm doing this my way."

I walked into the living room.

And jumped in front of the elves

They all ran at me as my eye turned red.

I uppercutted the first one and kicked the second one into a third one.

I then used my weapons to strike the two strong looking elves finishing both of them off.

I used dragonshout to destroy the front door freeing our troops.

Token and several others entered the room.

"Where's the King?"

Token asked me.

"He's in the kitchen dying apparently"

Token responded to me.

"Good thing my medicine skills are plus 4"

Token left to the kitchen.

I began to walk up the stairs and I heard some bed rattling in a nearby room.

"Butters stay here"

"Alright Sir N"

I kick open the door and saw Kenny tied up with an elf jumping on the bed.

I sighed and threw my weapon at the elf and knocked him out I walked over and untied kenny.

"Well that was pointless"

Kenny looked at me.

"Yeah it was."

We walked out of the room.

We found the rest of our group and I heard some noise coming from another room.

"Hey you open the door and give us the stick of I'll burn your house down"

I said banging on the door.

I heard Jimmy respond back.

"You can't because I have the stick and I saw you can't burn my house down"

"That's bull shit"

Cartman tapped my shoulder.

"Where did you come from?"

"One of our warriors revived me now let the grand wizard show you how it's done"

I shook my head.

"Go ahead."

Cartman hit the door.

"You can't hold the door knob bard that's cheating"

Jimmy responded.

"Yeah I can, I have the stick of truth which means I control the universe, and I say that holding the door knob is OK"

Cartman turned around.

"Well I tried"

I shook my head again

"Seriously you need better friends"

Red spoke to me.

"Yeah I know"

I thought back at him.

I felt my eye turn red as I kicked the door open.

Jimmy was on the other side of the room.

"Yeah I'm done with you"

I put in earbuds so that I could listen to music so that I didn't listen to his annoying music.

I ran at Jimmy and pulled the stick out of his hands.

"You have 5 seconds"

I say as he then shoots me with his crossbow.

"Ow ok that's it"

I strike Jimmy with my cross slash.

He fell to the ground.

Cartman takes the stick of truth from me.

"Alright good job sir N let's return to kupa keep"

Everyone left while I stood by Jimmy.

"Sorry about that"

I say before I left.


End file.
